Dying Pope Admits Christianity is a Fraud
by Elroy Willis — April 1, 2005
VATICAN CITY (EAP) — In what appears to be a final act of admission or confession by Pope John Paul II on his death bed, the Holy Pontiff Maximus said yesterday that he wants to come clean and admitted that Christianity and the Roman Catholic Church are nothing more than a fraud that got out of hand caused by the greed of the church.
“I’ve felt guilty about it for the last 20 years, and it’s time that everyone else knows,” he confessed to two different archbishops inside the Vatican who visited his bedside during the past week.
“He told us to spread the word, and that he wishes the Vatican to sell off everything it owns to help feed the poor and destitute, just like Jesus said to do in Matthew 19:21,” said one of the archbishops who had second thoughts about revealing the truth, but decided to come clean following the lead of the sickly pope.
“I know it means the end of my job and faith, but I feel like honesty is the best policy,” he said.
The net worth of the Roman Catholic Church is reported to be nearly 40 billion dollars according to conservative estimates, and that will help to feed and clothe a lot of hungry and homeless people.
“Neither Jesus nor His Father or Mother Mary have stepped in to help cure me of my Parkinson’s disease, so I want part of the money made from selling off the Vatican treasures to go towards scientific research for an actual cure for the disease, not towards encouraging more people to utter useless prayers like I did,” the Pope said.
“This probably won’t go over very well with the faithful, and it might even cause a worldwide panic, but the truth should prevail in the end.”